I had a rough summer. A friend’s suicide. A botched surgery. A couple other traumas. . . Sometimes you take a hit and bounce back. Other times, you hit the ground and go “splat!” Ha ha. Sheesh. . .
When I was younger I was more resilient. Whatever the world threw at me, I felt I’d persevere and overcome. I was a cocky, confident bastard, basically.
But as you get older, I guess you start to feel more vulnerable. Nowadays if I get a tummy ache I think: “Oh fuck! I’m dying! My internal organs are breaking down!! I’m doomed!!” When usually — but not always alas — it’s just a stomach ache.
When I was younger I went through a period where I had no fears. Literally. I feared nothing. For years at a stretch.. .. I had this spiritual belief at the time, it was like my personal credo: “Everything that happens to you is for your own good.” ….. And even when bad things happened to me, I just figured these were lessons I needed to learn for my spiritual evolution, my spiritual growth. . . If you don’t even fear the bad stuff, nothing can touch you. You’re home free.
Nowadays I’m more like a neurotic, quivering mass of anxieties. So I’ve gone downhill spiritually.
But I could reclaim that high spiritual state. You been there once, you can get it again. Anything in this life is possible. Even happiness.