I’m still pissed at how Dr. Mira Lim butchered one of my eyes when I had cataracts surgery 7 months ago. If you look closely at my eye on the right of the photo you can see how she permanently disfigured it. And 7 months later I’m still dealing with trying to repair the damage she did to my eye.
So — you know me — yesterday I went to Yelp to post a stinging rebuke, a bad “one-out-of-five” stars review for Dr. Mira Lim. Thumbs down! Called her a “quack” and etc…
But I have to add: Of the other 30 reviews on Yelp she got 4-and-a-half stars… So maybe she just fucked up on me by the law of averages…. Doctors aren’t perfect after all. They make mistakes.
There’s probably something wrong with me… All I want to do these days is sit in some space where there are no people around and nobody is coming at me and I can just sit here quietly by myself in my nowhere space for 4 or 5 hours by my lonely-ass self and sip my beer and think my thoughts about many things.
This building where I’m sitting right now is completely deserted at this point. The doors are all locked so nobody can get in. And nobody would want to get in. So I’m in the basement of the building by myself and it’s like being back in the womb. This cozy little cocoon.
Someone asked me how many TWISTED IMAGE comic strips I drew over the years…. I really have no idea what the number is.
Now that I’m thinking about it. I probably drew about 10 comic strips a month, for about 10 years. From 1985 to 1995. So if my math is right…..(I’m trying to do the calculations in my head so bear with me)….10 strips times 12 months equals 120 strips. Times 10 years equals 1,200 strips.
So I probably cranked out about a thousand of the fuckers.
They’re all stacked up and lying in a big pile in one of the boxes in my storage locker with all my other crap. The “original art.”
Anyways, this is one of them. Probably from around 1992. Starring that wacky cartoon character of the times Bill Clinton. And reprinted in Paul Krassner’s THE REALIST magazine.
Things That Annoy Me (#9,374 in a series)… In today’s installment: PEOPLE WHO WALK AROUND STARING AT THEIR GODDAMN CELLPHONES AND DON’T LOOK WHERE THEY’RE GOING!!!!!
So I was just walking down these stairs outside of this building. And, as you can see from this photo, there are two separate aisles of stairs, with a bannister in the middle: one aisle to accommodate people (like me) walking down the stairs, while there’s another aisle conveniently located to accommodate people walking up the stairs. A very simple and basic concept that one would think that the average adult human being would be able to grasp and master….. But NOOOO!!!!!!
As I’m half way down the stairs I notice some guy walking towards the stairs, and directly approaching me. He’s got his head down staring at his cellphone as he walks (and at a fairly good pace). So he’s completely unaware that he’s chosen to walk UP the aisle of stairs that I am walking DOWN, and in fact he’s walking directly at me. And my coveted little bit of public space that I occupy. . . I keep on walking down the stairs, and I could have easily side-stepped this young man as he passed me. But I decided to teach him a lesson in manners and public decorum. So I continued to walk directly at him. I had the right of way, after all, having chosen this aisle of the stairs first. And the fact is, accidents sometimes occur on stairs due to careless behaviors, that can cause injuries and even death (so perhaps I’m saving lives by taking these precautionary measures).
And so, right before I’m about to collide with this fellow, I stop and stand there, right before him. He continues to walk up the stairs, but at the very last second before ramming into me, he stops, as if guided by some sixth sense that sensed the looming shadow of an immovable object standing before him. Finally looked up at last from his cellphone (and the important, crucial information he was no doubt accessing due to the modern miracle that is the world-wide web) and he stopped before me (we’re standing about chest-to-chest at this point) and he said (to his credit): “Oh! Excuse me!” And side-stepped his way around me. And continued on his way….. While I (to my possible discredit) glared at him with one of those If Looks Could Kill kind of stares that would have surely left him lying mortally wounded in a puddle of despair if in fact my vision did possess the laser-like effect to obliterate all who stood before me who had made the fatal error of displeasing me in some way.
And then, as I continued to walk along during the course of my day, I continually thought back to this sad and unpleasant experience, and how annoying it can be to be forced to live in a world surrounded by my fellow humans beings.
Actually, I LIKE to obsess about the little things. The minutiae of life. It takes my mind off of the big things. Like existential dread, the prospect of dying alone and unloved in a cold and uncaring universe, and impending nuclear holocaust…. Stuff like that.
“Rise and shine! So here’s the plan…. You get up and fix me a nice big breakfast. Perhaps one of those savory cans of Beef ‘n Gravy cat food. And then some of that delicious crunchy dry cat food, along with a little milk on the side… Then we could enjoy an extensive session where you spend considerable time petting me and devoting your full unbridled attention to me… And after that perhaps we could go for a walk in the woods together, romping up and down the hills in search of mice…. And then after that….”