Needless to say I have theories on virtually everything, including diet

I’ve been trying to eat better lately. A lot of fresh fruit. And even occassionally a vegetable that isn’t a French fry. . . But then the other day I ate an entire bag of these mini Snickers on one sitting (“peanuts, caramel, and nouguts, cloaked in creamy milk chocolate” — what’s not to love??). They’re actually quite good. I have this theory that if something tastes as good as a Snickers bar, it’s gotta be good for you nutritionally (I know all the nutritionalists disagree with this theory, but what do those quacks know, they’re the idiots recommending we drink 20 glasses of water a day, sheesh!). My theory is that the human taste buds have evolved over countless centuries, by trial-and-error and natural selection, to tell us exactly what we need to eat. In other words: if it tastes good it’s good for you, if it tastes bad it’s probably poison. This is simple basic science.

Speaking of food, I’m told diet books are among the perennial best-sellers. So I decided to write a diet book for my next book. I already got a great title: “THE BACKWORDS DIET PLAN: Eat As Much As You Want Don’t Exercise And Lose 20 Pounds.” . . . I haven’t yet figured out the plan itself. But if you start out with a great title, that’s half the battle right there, and the book will practically write itself.


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