Making peace with your enemies, or failing to do so

I’ve had people who were enemies of mine who I hated. And after they died I’d still occassionally notice myself thinking hateful thoughts towards them, like I still wanted to avenge the various misdeeds they did to me. And I’d feel ridiculous when I’d remember they were dead. And there was no longer any point in trying to even the score. But the feelings would linger anyways. Like a reflex action.

I remember this one time, right after this guy I had famously hated died. . . this woman friend of mine, who was also a friend of the guy who died, came up to me and asked if I felt any different about the guy now that he had passed away. I thought about it for a moment and then said: “No I still hate his guts!” Ha ha.

Then there are the people who died before I could atone for wrongs I did to them. That’s a tough one for me. While they’re alive there’s still the chance I could even the score and resolve the thing. But once they’re dead it’s frozen in stone at that moment.

“I suffer from Italian Alzheimer’s. We forget everything except our grudges.”

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