A Burger King story

(Considering how stressed-out so many people are nowadays, I’m not surprised that I see more and more shrill encounters in stores and businesses these days. . . Like yesterday, there was this guy who was holding up the line at 7-11. He’s trying to buy like $30 worth of stuff, but it turns out he’s only got like $5 on his debit card. So after initially being rung up by the cashier, he’s got to be rung up all over again. And he’s taking his sweet time trying to figure out which items he wants to keep and which ones he wants to delete from his bill. “Hmm. Lessee’. I’ll keep the bag of potato chips. But I won’t buy the beef jerkies. .. No wait, let’s do it the other way around. . .” Meanwhile, it’s a LONG line and people are starting to get impatient with him and shouting things at him like, “HEY BUDDY YOU’RE HOLDING UP THE LINE!!” But the guy just keeps puttering along, oblivious to the angry mob. “Hmmm, and do I still have enough on my card to pay for this jelly donut??. . . ” And I’m standing right behind him on line and just hoping I don’t get in the middle of some guy flinging a king-size Slurpee at his head. . . At any rate, here’s another cash register anecdote that just popped up on my feed from 7 years ago.)

Its a good thing I’m not King and have no royal powers. Because I’d be tempted to execute people.

Like this morning. I haven’t had any solid food in a week because of my surgery. So I’ve developed this powerful appetite. Yesterday I found myself in the grips of a powerful lust for one of those Burger King Whoppers. I thought about it all last night. Woke up at 6 in the morning. Figured I’d have to wait until around ten when they switch from the breakfast menu to the lunch menu. The seconds are dragging on like eternities. . .

Finally the magic hour approacheth. I head out the door to Burger King, “home of the Whopper.” Unfortunately, the woman on line in front of me is taking FOREVER to order. She asks questions about EVERY item on the menu. Changes her mind FIVE times. FINALLY completes her order. I start to order my Whopper. The woman suddenly chimes in: “What?? I didn’t know you had switched from the breakfast to the lunch menu. Can I change my order to a lunch meal?” Goes through the whole ordering process all over again.

So then me and the lady are at the counter waiting for our orders. Our orders both come at the same time. “Excuse me,” I said. “Could I also get the cup of water I ordered?” But before the clerk could answer the woman chimes in: “Hey! Could I replace this drink I ordered with this other drink?” “Sure,” says the clerk. The clerk disappears off to the back room to points unknown. I’m left standing at the counter. Waterless.

I stomp off. Muttering Italian curses under my breath.

There’s a lot of debate about the death penalty, pro and con. Personally, I’m all for it.

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