Dream #1

Just woke up at 4 in the morning from this very unsettling dream. . . I’m in the living room of this house where I’ve been living with these other people, but it’s not really my home. Then I’m confronted by this malevolent evil spirit that might even be Satan. He’s in a human form. He’s smiling at me and pretending to be friendly. But I can tell he means me harm. He’s kind of toying with me. I make half-hearted attempts to resist his overtures and fight back. But I can tell he’s invulnerable and has supernatural powers beyond anything I can match. So I’m mostly just going along with what he says, trying to figure out how to deal with him, how to keep from getting destroyed by him. … At one point he suggests we all go out and see a rock concert, he implies that there’s a New Wave band playing in town that is one of my favorites, but he won’t tell me who it is, so I’m trying to guess the band’s name. Then I look in the listings in the local paper to see who’s playing tonight, notice an ad for a Bob Dylan show. Dylan is playing four different shows on this day, we’ve missed the first three shows but we can still catch the midnight show which will be starting soon. I realize the show is in Tuscon, which is an hour’s drive away. But if we hurry we’ll only miss the beginning of the show, which is 5 hours long, so we’ll catch a lot of the show. Before we leave we’re locking up the house so nobody can get in while we’re gone. But I have trouble getting the big picture window securely locked, it seems like it would be easy for anybody to break into. Then we’re about to leave, we have to go right now or else we’ll miss a lot of the show. I call out to my father and little brother who had planned to go with us, but they’re off somewhere else so we have to leave without them. At the last second I decide I don’t want to take my backpack with me to the show. So me and my friend rush back to the house, unlock the front door — which has a very flimsy lock on it — and I hide my pack (which has all my valuables in it) behind the couch. Then we head off to the show.

I wake up in the darkness feeling very unsettled. The dream had this haunting quality, this feeling of dread and impending doom and even eternal damnation. And I’m wondering if it was just a dream or if I really am doomed. I hear these strange sounds off in the distance — like something heavy had fallen to the ground. And feel chilled. Like there’s something lurking out there in the darkness, just waiting to get me, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Except wait. For the inevitable. I’ve had this feeling before, that my life was destined to come to a bad end, that I had been cursed somehow, and there was nothing I could do about it. So now I’m laying here, wondering if that’s my inevitable destiny.

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