Through the looking glass

I’ve been wearing these ridiculous looking glasses for the last five years. One wag described them as “the kind of glasses a Jewish grandmother from Long Island would wear.” And thanks for that.

It was an accident how I ended up with them in the first place. One night five years ago I was drunk and staggering around in the woods in the Berkeley hills trying to get to my campsite. And I got lost from the beaten path and I’m staggering and thrashing around in the thick brush in the darkness. And my glasses got knocked off my face. And I was so drunk I didn’t even realize it until the next morning.

So I spent all morning searching around in the woods for my glasses. But I could never find them. So I had to go to the eye clinic and order a new pair of glasses. And I ended up with these ridiculous looking specs. I’m half blind without glasses. So I couldn’t see what they looked like when I picked them out. Which is how I ended up with them. When I got them and saw what they looked like, I told the eye clinic: “I WOULD NEVER ORDER RIDICULOUS LOOKING GLASSES LIKE THIS!!” But they looked up their records. And I had in fact picked out these frames. So I was stuck with them.

So I just wore them for the next five years. Because when you start pushing 60 it really doesn’t matter very much if you look ridiculous. It’s not like when you’re in your 20s and 30s and are desperate to look cool in the hopes that you can have sex with beautiful looking women. By the time you hit 60 it doesn’t matter if you’re wearing cool glasses or ridiculous glasses. You’re not gonna make it either way. So who cares.

But now five years later these glasses are finally falling apart and I’ve got to order new glasses. So I’ll soon have a whole new “look.”
Whoop-dee-do.

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